ANDREAc

HEY, SWEETSPARKS! How's it going, how's it going? It's felt like FOREVER since I last updated, so I figured it would work in my favor to put a new journal out there for friends and followers that stop by my page. OCTOBER is just a few days away, and I've never felt so ALIVE! I'm hyped for the Sp0o0o0oky season (YOU GUYS KNOW IT) and I've got some shenanigans planned! (more details in a future journal entry)!

As I started to wake, I shifted comfortably in bed, slowly opening my eyes to adjust to the soft light seeping into my bedroom. A series of individual water droplets dragged down in streaks across my window as I came to the realization it had rained overnight. I stayed silent, unable to help but admire the sound of the gentle downpour. That's how my morning had started. The rain wasn't heavy, nor was there thunder. The clouds were overcast, so the sky was grey. What most people would consider a bland start to the day, was a beautiful start to my birthday. 

Like other journal entries I've posted since my return to social media, I never want to lose a chance to let friends and followers know that they've played a huge part in helping me shape my life into what it is today. I've also let you guys know several times, I wouldn't be here without you. Days come and go, presenting new struggles and challenges. Over the years, I've learned that no matter how hard things may get, there's always hope to hold on to. I want to relay that to you.

Overcoming my own battle against depression and having endured a series of health issues, I've done my best to share insights about my experiences. A little more each year, I open up about what I can. Subjects I've addressed include the importance of maintaining mental health, and the message that "suicide is never the answer". Although it can be difficult to talk about, I feel someone has to take it upon themselves to do so. I do it as a survivor, to try and help others however I can. 

Individuals taking their own lives- It's heartbreaking. It's also unfortunately something we see happening more often nowadays. I'll never back down in trying to help others fight against those feelings of helplessness. It seems so long ago now, I had been stuck in that dark place. I know what it's like. I've come such a long way from that. I'm alive. I'm here and I want others to know that they can also do the same. 

There are things to look forward to. Never in a lifetime did I think I would hear from friends from the past again. I've journeyed through different job opportunities (My last one being a hostess) I got ANOTHER new job a couple of months ago, but it's one I can't openly share information about, due to keeping my work and online identities separate. I get more free hours in my week to spend with friends and focus on art- and that's more than I've been able to enjoy in YEARS. 

I'm BEYOND excited for upcoming movies. I'm happy I could witness the return of favorite characters and beloved TV shows. I know it gets a bad rep, but one of the stupidest and cutest movies I watched this year was "Teen Titans Go! To The Movies!". Whether you love or hate "TTGO!", I think it's a film you can laugh at and have fun with. (It brought back my crush for Slade, but maybe I'm biased. Will Arnett is AMAZE.) I've been able to start up my Patreon account, and I can't tell you how encouraging and enlightening it is to see people go out of their way to show their support! I'm touched and I'm thankful. I also want to give a shout-out to Sue-ee for the surprise 1-Month subscription! [YOU'RE THE BABE! ❤] I also want to thank Night-Fury777 for the gorgeous artwork! Demongo brings back so many fond memories! >u<



I know it can feel like a strain to take each day as it comes. We need to remember to sometimes take a moment to stop and breathe. Yes, there are people out there in troubled situations that aren't as easy to escape, but each and every one of us has our own stories. Not one person is excluded from that. Remember that sometimes, things happen for a reason. Even if you can't see it right now, chances are that you'll see things clearly down the road. You just have to keep going. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're a lot stronger than you know. I want you to get that in your head and hold it in your hearts. The power to prevail is inside of YOU. 

I don't know what the future holds in store, but I'm thankful you'll be there every step of the way. I want to once again acknowledge the lovely people who left birthday wishes on my profile! Seriously, there wasn't a moment I wasn't smiling. And take a look! A HUGE rainbow on my way home! ꒪ヮ꒪ !

 

Another quick update! Only $6.00 away from reaching the goal I set! (If we manage to hit the mark, I'll use a generator to select a random Patreon/Ko-Fi supporter of the month!) The winner will get a full-body, colored digital drawing of a character of their choosing! (background included) so if that piques your interest at all, feel free to take a look at my accounts before the month is over!

You guys are seriously so wonderful. I mean that. As thanks, I'm going to continue to update this journal with a special mention for Patrons, new and old. I'm so thankful to everyone who showed their support. As this was something NEW for me to try out, I want to give a shout-out to a few special sweetsparks.

PurrElise crimson-nemesis Sounddrive 1UPMilo thethrillof I've finally made my Patreon post public on Tumblr, and seeing that even a handful of people were interested makes me incredibly happy! ❤️ Y O U  G U Y S! ❤️



LIKEWISE, If you just want a request sketch, you can get one if you buy three coffees! They're $3 each, so you'll just be paying $9 for a sketch. I've got examples of my sketches on my Tumblr and Patreon accounts if you'd like to see the quality! If you want to pay for something beyond a sketch, NOTE ME and we'll talk commissions one-on-one!

Speaking of Patreon exclusive artwork, I've currently completed a piece I'm pretty proud of! Anyone that knows me KNOWS how much I LOVE monster boyfriends. AND, MY GOD. After watching the "Venom" trailer, I HAD to draw something for one of my favourite symbiotes. HE'S SO NASTY. I LOVE IT. I've been a fan of Spider-Man since I was a little kid! I grew up watching the old-school animated series! I collected the comics! One game in particular is actually to blame for my love of Spidey/Venom/Carnage. If you're interested in seeing a WIP of a NSFW version of this work, I'm going to gradually upload the process on my Patreon!


As far as life updates go, there's A LOT I've left out! I'll have to save that info for another journal entry. I've talked to friends about dealing with unwanted advances in the workplace, and so it's not as though I haven't gotten good advice. It's just not my focus to share that right now. Speaking of friends, I WANT TO THANK ALEX FOR BEING SO GREAT. She recently came back from vacation, and since she couldn't keep it a secret, she showed me a T-shirt she got me! Alex, thank you for always being there for me and for thinking of me, even when we're kept busy with our day-to-day lives. ;u; YOU'RE THE BEST, DEMONGO DARLING!

It's been quite a while since we've been able to talk, sweetsparks-! I've been active posting artwork but haven't had the time to properly share what's been going on in my life. I hope things have been great for you! I've gone through a lot since the New Year started. ;o;

Exams last year had me devoted to my studies to make sure I passed my finals. I DID! After ONE more SEMESTER of classes, I'll have my Associates Degree! I'm pretty happy about that! It'll open up some new possibilities career-wise. I also want to obtain a Bachelor's degree, so I've got that goal in my sights! 

Winter came around, and naturally, people started getting sick. After having gotten a flu shot (and hearing several doctors debate the decision with me afterwards) I dealt with an underlying sense of nausea that wouldn't go away, even when there were signs that showed my health had been getting better. It's something I've struggled with since the start of the month. 3 weeks ongoing, but it's eased up a bit. I've been prescribed medication to treat nausea that patients who undergo radiation/chemotherapy use, so that's taken some getting used to.

On a lighter note, when I was sick and unable to breathe or sleep + slightly stressed out from my classes, I relieved myself by revisiting an old hobby. MAKING MUSIC VIDEOS! I've got a couple I've uploaded to my new YouTube account. I've had these ideas stuck in my head for a while and I've got more projects planned for the future! You can subscribe if you'd like to stay on top of that. ;0;


I had also put in my two-weeks notice at the theater for another part-time job with higher pay close to home. I've worked at the cinema for a year and a half. I've accomplished A LOT over there! I've gotten employee of the month (I was going to get it a second time; they voted me for this February but then they weren't happy to hear I was leaving) >XD My Managers were refusing to take my letter of resignation because if they didn't accept it, it would mean that I'd have to stay.

I learned a lot while working there! Some things I expected and others I couldn't predict. I saved a tiny mouse from a glue trap (made the mistake of using my bare hands to try pulling that stuff away at first). A friend and I used butter oil to get it unstuck and I ran outside after rinsing it off literally 10 minutes before we opened our doors to the public to set it free. I impressed our District Manager by getting the theater 3 scores of 100's with our secret shopper at concessions (over the span of the year, not at once). I got to dress up as Kylo Ren for our STAR WARS "The Last Jedi" premiere. Most people expected me to choose a female protagonist, but when you get a chance to dress up as a Sith Lord? You take it! I personally don't like the character, but none of the guys were going to do it. I got to mess around and "force choke" employees! lol

I've discovered that popcorn tastes pretty good with nacho cheese. I'm not even kidding with that one! I also found out that if you mix EVERY available fountain drink option together, you get something strangely yummy that tastes like bubblegum? You can tell that when we get bored, we invent ways to entertain ourselves I was a witness to an employee friend's same-sex wedding. _{IT WAS LOVELY!} I helped kindergarteners feel confident making their own orders. It's a thing parents and teachers do often because they know we'll be patient and friendly with them during field trips. I've got a collection of movie posters and I also ended up with a cardboard Batman cutout from our life-size "Justice League" display! A couple of teenagers were messing around with it and he broke off. When I took him to the back to be thrown away, I asked if I could take him home with me. THE MANAGERS AGREED.

Despite both good and bad experiences, I'm happy I had the chance to explore new grounds! I'll admit I'm going to miss the place. I luckily got out of there before the premiere of "Black Panther". I'm hyped for that movie but it's going to be busy! As for my new job, I'll be a hostess! I'm not sure how many people have heard about the place because it seems to be regional? For comparison purposes, you can think of a Dave & Busters/Main Event! It's kind of funny how comfortable I've become in the entertainment industry. Haha~

THERE'S A LOT MORE I'D LOVE TO SAY, but this journal is long enough as it is! And for the sake of helping a person in need, if anyone would like to look back on some words of encouragement, you're welcome to check out my previous journal. My friend LyricaBelachium had drawn me a picture a while back for my birthday with a quote of what I had shared, and it still means a lot to me to this day. I'd like to keep it here to inspire other people, too. Love you, guys!

        

Honestly, typing this, I can feel some tears building up. I'll let you know in advance that this journal entry is going to cover some sensitive subjects. I always tend to get a bit emotional when my birthday comes around, but with the recent celebrity suicides that have taken place (and the reminder that Robin Williams had committed suicide on my birthday) I can't let this year go by without opening up to you guys, my friends and followers. 


As a lot of you might know, I had disappeared from DeviantART for a couple of years without a word to anyone. So much had happened during my unexpected hiatus. More than I care to share. Those are stories for another time. I had been told from watchers that some of you had suspected the worst when I stopped using social media sites altogether. That was a time where my life felt empty, where my world was falling apart and I kept to myself. Quiet, even though I spent countless nights crying. Hurting, and unable to find help, even from the people I had thought cared for me. 


There came a breaking point, though. After having endured that, I couldn't handle the pain. I didn't want to. A couple of hospital visits, and I knew things had to change. Some would call it a revelation of sorts. The pain I had felt- I was sick of that. I was scared to see what depression had done to me; to see what point it pushed me to. But then, having survived? Those things don't happen without reason. I've lived and I'm here. My reason- my reasons for being, I find them around me on a daily basis.


Admittedly, when I returned to my usual online sites, I had felt nervous, anxious and uncertain. I discovered those feelings were for nothing as I found myself welcomed by familiar faces that were as excited to see me as I was them. There were a number of you who even went out of your way to send me notes, asking how I've been doing and wanting to catch up. 

You guys, I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I can't tell you how thankful I am. To think that notes with a few kind words held the power to help me feel something I hadn't felt in such a long time. You were the ones who helped me build myself up, and I've never been happier to be back, sharing my creations and gaining inspiration. 


YOU helped make a difference. I want you to remember that one person can always make a difference. 

Despite the various reasons you might feel depressed, you can be the one who helps change the world. 


If I had let myself succumb to depression, I never would've been able to appreciate the beauty of the stars. I make a lot of late-night drives, nowadays. Sometimes, I'll drive out to the middle of nowhere to just look up at the sky and think. It helps serve as a reminder of how vast the universe is. Looking at the countless number of stars helps me realize that the times I feel alone, I'm not. Like us, there are millions of them out there. One single star, as insignificant as it might seem, shines with its own beauty. And they each have something to contribute to the night sky. 


If I wasn't around, nobody would be leaving food out for the couple of stray cats that live in my neighborhood. The past month, I've been feeding a tiny orange cat, and an older darker one. I've made contact with both a couple of times. A sense of trust has slowly been developing. They're wary, but they know that they're welcome to come by the house- even when it rains. And they do.


I wouldn't have been able to help a 50 year old man cope with the loss of his wife. I wouldn't have been there to hear him out as he opened up about his heartache. I wouldn't have gotten my part-time job at the theater, I wouldn't have met the teenagers and fellow employees that have become friends. I've got 5 co-workers coming to watch "Annabelle: Creation" with me tonight, and while I expect it to be an awful and laughable 'horror' movie, the fact I'm able to spend that time with them is what matters to me. 


If I had disappeared, I never would have gotten back in touch with online friends from the past. I'm talking about those of you that reached out to me, even when years had passed between us. I wouldn't have experienced the smiles, I would've missed out on the late night talks and phone calls, episode binging, the introduction to new fandoms and RPs. I would've missed out on so many wonderful memories. 


If I wasn't around, I wouldn't have been able to help other people that have come to my inbox, looking for advice and comfort (especially after making a "postitforward positivity" post on Tumblr months ago) After having shared that, no matter what pain you might feel, please know that you're never alone. There's always someone out there who cares. These are just a few personal instances I've opened up about, but even after reading this, if you ever find yourself feeling that nobody cares for you, I want you to know right now. I DO. 


Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, and yes, Robin Williams had done so much to help MILLIONS of people. It breaks my heart to know that they struggled with the same exact thing I did. It hurts to know that even though they've helped so many with the power of their words and actions, in the end, nobody could help them. I KNOW what it's like to get to the point where you want to give up, and THAT'S why I strongly sympathize with them. They lived as examples, showing the incredible things you can accomplish in your life, even if you struggle with internalized pain. 


I'M here. YOU'RE here. We've all got our struggles. WE DO. Sometimes, it takes every ounce of energy you have to take care of yourself. I know. But, you're here. And the fact that YOU exist? I can't begin to tell you how amazing that is. You're the only version of 'YOU' that will ever be in this world. Make it count. You've lived through so much up to this point, make your survival MEAN something. You've made it through the tears. You've made it through the hurt. You've made it through the pain. To those of you I may not know personally, to those of you who may dislike me for one reason or another, to those of you who look up to me. You're important to me. Every single one of you. And I do mean that.


So, today on my birthday, I want to take the time to not only celebrate the day, but to also celebrate YOU. Because you've done so much for me over the years. Whether it's a comment on my artworks, a favourite, or words of support and encouragement that make my day, I want to always do my best to return the kindness you've shown me. Thank you so much for the birthday wishes you've shared today, sweetsparks. I'll reply to your messages as soon as I'm able. ❤